Enjoying life, off the hamster wheel
3 hours… Awake… Thinking.
According to Wikipedia, the term ‘neurosis’ “essentially describes an “invisible injury” and the resulting condition.”
Yes, many injurious events in my life have recently bubbled to the surface as memories. It has been happening since my high school reunion, especially over the last few days as the euphoria of reconnecting with childhood friends is waning.
Seeing so much success amongst my peers has transported me back in time, to very difficult circumstances and events. There was lots of despair growing up. Money as a gauge of self-value is a recurring theme. If this is so, then I have little to no worth in society. This is something I get really hung up on.
In an effort to transform these negative conditions into fertilizer to evolve positively from, a couple of things popped into my mind: I’ve been able to be of benefit to people which has given me great pleasure. This has contributed to my spiritual growth over the last few years. The other thought, as if I was talking to myself, was “It’s not about me.” As soon as I said that silently to myself, my whole body relaxed. It wasn’t a permanent state, but it felt so nice. I’ve been tracing my thoughts and feelings, asking myself, ‘where is this thought coming from? Is it in my head or body? Where is mind?’
As I wrote this, I got an Email with a quote by Pema Chodron that is very apropos,
“September 25, 2013
STEPPING-STONES TO AWAKENING
There’s no way to make a dreadful situation pretty. But we can use the pain of it to recognize our sameness with other people. Shantideva said that since all sentient beings suffer from strong, conflicting emotions, and all sentient beings get what they don’t want and can’t hold on to what they do want, and all sentient beings have physical distress, why am I making such a big deal about just me? Since we’re all in this together, why am I making such a big deal about myself? Whatever usually drags us down and causes us to withdraw into ourselves is actually the stepping-stone for awakening our compassion and for contacting the vast, unbiased mind of the warrior.”
And so, I’ll take my invisible injuries and leave them as they are. I’ll work on being unbiased toward them, I won’t try to make them pretty when they’re not, but I will use them to remind myself that everyone has invisible injuries, and the beauty is in knowing this and smiling compassionately to ourselves and others’ hurts. We can make friends with our pain. And we don’t have to be in people’s faces to care about their welfare. Sometimes we have to accept that we can care from afar. The point is
that we care.
It’s not about me.We all have invisible injuries.